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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23227891">Double-Edged Shield</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennylogue/pseuds/pennylogue'>pennylogue</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Fridge Horror, Fridge Logic, Gen, Steven Universe Has PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Unresolved Emotional Tension</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:40:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23227891</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennylogue/pseuds/pennylogue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>it's taken a lot of trial and error, but Steven finally feels like he's really starting to figure out his powers. He's finally a true member of the Crystal Gems, and he's never felt so good! </p><p>Now, if he could just work out a few minor hiccups...</p><p>(Or, why emotional powers might not be quite as beneficial as they seem.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amethyst &amp; Garnet &amp; Pearl &amp; Steven Universe, Garnet &amp; Steven Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Double-Edged Shield</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe it’s a little weird that when he reaches for Garnet’s smile later that night, when he’s training, when he needs to summon his shield, he doesn’t get her smile.<br/>
</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Instead, he gets the tension in her back, the uncanny rigidity of her limbs as she gazes at the forced fusions—she’d always been unyielding, firm, compact, but never <em>stiff, </em>never <em>brittle,</em> she’d always been calm and in control--and it twists his mind, had twisted his mind, back to her eyes boring into his as yellow lines traced her body, the sheer unreality of <em>Garnet being defeated</em> staring him in the face, and that creeping worry hurtles-had-hurtled right over the line into heart-pounding fear, the shield he summoned earlier today had been almost thoughtless, because it had had hit him like a rampaging corrupted gem--</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">--that once again,<em> Garnet might not be able to keep them safe, it might be up to--</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">--and the outline of a shield that Steven had been slowly blocking in on his arm begins to lose shape.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He tries to struggle through, but another wave of bad memories washes over him--her eyes were so wide, just like Pearl’s had been that first time--<br/>
</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">--and the shield fractures and dissipates.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>No. No. That’s not allowed to happen.</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Steven tries to think of how Garnet had told him she loved him, tries to form the shield again, but it’s not working. Why is he suddenly breathing so hard? Why is he so worried about Garnet? He’d just seen her return to the Temple for the night with the Gems less than half an hour ago. He’d stepped out onto the Temple hand for some quick practice. What’s wrong with him?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">...what if he’s losing his powers again? He doesn’t want to think about it, but he’s human, he’s not like the others, he’d lost his healing months ago because Dad had made him think that it wasn’t working.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Steven pressed his hands to his head. <em>Focus on the positive, </em>he tells himself, trying to slow down his breathing, the pounding in his chest. He hasn’t been running or anything, why is this happening? <em>Focus on the good. You can summon your shield, you’ve done it so many times now. Garnet’s fine, everyone is fine, stop thinking about it, everything’s fine, you can summon your shield, Garnet’s fine, everything’s fine—</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He reaches for something, anything, to cancel out this…this…whatever it is, and another memory strikes him, unbidden: The relief he’d felt when they’d all crashed back onto Earth together, and he’d looked up and seen the three of them still there, safe and happy. He’d done that. His powers had been strong enough to save them, and that was what was important.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Steven tries to summon his shield one more time. And as it forms whole and solid on his wrist and his world turns pink, he smiles. He can feel his breathing calm down, his heart slow to a walking pace. Yeah, maybe he <em>is</em> finally starting to figure out his powers, after years of groping in the dark, and of course it made sense, that Mom’s powers would come from something so… <em>kind.</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Peridot had been about to fire her ship’s gun, andthe Crystal Gems <em>needed</em> him. He’d <em>known</em> it. The knowledge pulsed through him, and there was a wild joy to it that managed to edge out a bit of his fear—<em>finally, finally he could be useful, finally he knew why he had this shield—</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In that moment, there hadn’t been any room for uncertainty. No room for error. No more time to play around. He summoned his shield, or people that he loved with every fiber of his being died.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So, Steven had jumped, and believed that love would be enough.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He looks down at the Temple through the safety of his shield, and as his heart bursts with that love, it's the easiest thing in the world to make himself a promise. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He's going to be like Mom.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He’s not going to let anything stop him from protecting the Gems.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've had the notion of exploring the effects that Steven's emotion-fueled powers had on his psyche for a long time, but then Growing Pains came out, and things took a distinctly more CPTSD flavored turn. It's kind of horrifically funny that this could be mistaken for happy ending before that episode. I'll try to put out another chapter to get at my remaining thoughts--for now, let's just say happy = floating is...worrisome.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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